Who wouldn't love you?

     He asked me, in that calculated tone-- when i told him that i had not blogged in a long time-- 'Is it because of me?' and i had, honestly, answered him, 'yes.' Now it is because of him that i am here again.

     I've been plagued by the tenacity of definitions. Or shall i put it this way-- by the tenacity of conventional definitions. They're the sort of creatures that swim around at your ankles like a great slime of eels and if you allow them to, they will take for themselves the pleasure of sneaking in through your ankles and riding up your nerves into your brain.  

      But enough of the grimness. It makes me forget what I started out wanting to talk about.
      The ones out there that i count into the 'friends' bit, the ones that make me incoherent and illogical with mad happiness, the ones that make me want to say things that are incredibly smart but all i end up doing in whinnying like a joyous horse and saying something terribly inane. This is for you, all of you that make it bright and shiny in the corridors of memory and also the only ones that are capable of turning the lights out so fast-- when i spin into the dark labyrinth of need and desolation. All it takes is the thought that i haven't been there the way the movies and the sictoms and the facebook albums make it out to be. I have definitely not taken a call from you or not replied to a text...surely (and this, without doubt) i have not been there to meet you when you were over for a flying visit. I may have (and i have) made promises about visits to your wonderful cities-- maybe come there and returned without a glimpse of you-- but there is one thing for sure, you have been on my mind.

*       In sickness and in guilt, in happiness and in the throes of any romance-- whether it be the romance of a new city or a passtime or the real thing, i have thought of you. I have bragged about you and i have made no bones of being a bad friend. I have been. But all the while, i have (always) known that there is nothing that would stop me if you asked for help. If you said the words, and you asked me to do what you need me to do, i'd do it.

      Now comes the time to talk about the times that i haven't. If ever. Give me that chance, please. I'm sure it will be worth your while. There is rarely the freedom to come to you for fun and there is always the feeling of prioritising the 'wrong' things, but do know, that this retardedly affectionate psycho, loves the crap out of you. And i do.

     And i get jealous too.

*sigh*

I love you guys. :)

*The picture is symbolic.